Today was a pretty bad day for me. 


Maybe it was the lack of sleep that I had. Perhaps it's the super warm room that I'm in right now as I'm typing this. It's one of those days where you just want to collapse on your bed and not talk to anybody. 


That's exactly what I did. 


I switched off whatsapp notifications, placed my phone on it's screen and crawled up into bed.


Here's what happened:


Well on Saturday while everyone else was asleep at home, my Mom pulled me aside for a talk. To be honest, because I was just too preoccupied with life on my own in school, I hadn't exactly the opportunity to be able to properly talk to my Mom in quite a while.


In a nutshell, 4 am conversations are never lighthearted. With a sombre mood, we had a conversation about life. Well actually, it was more about my life. Aspects of it that she was unhappy about. 


"Are you going to church tomorrow?" 


I shook my head, with a mandatory sheepish look on my face. 


"Jermaine when I allow you to skip Sunday services, it doesn't mean that you can just completely disappear from church." 


Whatever I retorted subsequently wasn't important. It was the following that got to me. 


"I'm always doing things for you to make you happy, for example I paid for your macbook upgrade (which by the way was a really good decision, no more frustration yass) and it wasn't cheap."


"Mummy is happy to see you happy. You know that. But don't you think that you should do your part and do things that pleases me as well?" 


Okay that last part there got right to me. 


She's right. I've been egotistical and the reasons for my recent actions were just solely centered upon me, myself and I. Be it with my friends or family, I know she was spot on. 


That got to me because selfishness is one quality that I despise most about people. My friends would know clearly how often I comment on how unbelievable that some people can have such lack of consideration for others. It's something that really irks me. 


SO, to have that kind of self-realization when I look myself in the mirror is a huge kick to my gut. 


Oh by the way, the church issue is just one aspect. I've been egocentric in so many ways that I can't be bothered spelling them out right here. 


We also talked about other issues like Ah Ya's (my aunt) death, how life is unpredictable and how we should be grateful for the smooth sailing circumstances in our lives. Bummer :\


As always, she ended our talk by heaping some praises on me. 


"But, I've noticed that you've been yadayadaydaydaydayaya.... and that's really good, keep it up" 


That's what I really like about my Mom. She has a way of putting things into perspective for me. She's able to point out things about me that I'd thought no one would even notice or even better, something that I didn't even realize about myself.


Just something to share about. There are of course other things that made me unhappy today. But, it's 5am and as always, there's some work waiting for me.